The Zone

So then I wondered; “should I bother even trying to enter RHS level 3?” I mean, I’m too long in the tooth to ever make my way up the horticultural career ladder, not without feeling like a fraud anyway. That’s the thing you see. I’ve been blessed with such a delicate ego and sense of worth that I shudder when I feel I’ve been too confident, or taken my initiative somewhere where it’s not needed (like updating the website for work). I will literally spend all week-end going over and over in my head how much I’ve ‘stepped out of line’, or ‘fucked up’ and by Sunday evening the fairly minor thing has grown into a monstrous mumblefuck of cringe and I feel physically sick at the thought of what a dick I’ve been and that I should probably leave work, because I’m a fucking liability.. and shit at plants.. “who the fuck do YOU think YOU are!”.. ¬†Horticulturalist!?… ppppfffttt….

So you see, I KNOW I will never be a head gardener, because in my head I know that I have to have a minimum of 20 years of plant knowledge and practical experience behind me, as well as be good at people’ing and doing financial forecasts and budget shit.. and I can’t do any of those things very well, because I have an inbuilt predilection to human avoidance, financial incompetence and numerical dyslexia.

Nope, I’ll be happy to just mizzle along accumulating bits and pieces of knowledge as I go.. My brain being the other thing. These days I have to spend twice as long trying to remember a thing, then I have to use the information at least twice a day for the next twenty days before I actually know it.. I just don’t have enough life left to accumulate enough horticultural savvy to reach any sort of epitome.

I MIGHT however, be able to start a very low level business, selling lovely things that I’ve managed to grow, in the form of plants and cut flower bunches.. something that RHS level 3 might be useful for.. at the very least, the qualification will help me talk to visitors to the garden and answer questions in a confident, non-fraudulent way.

“Yes, that is, indeed a Lupin, Lupinus polyphyllus, one of the Russell Hybrids group, member of the Fabaceae family.. being members of the New World lupins, generally identified by monopodial branching and small seeds with differentiated embryos with little endosperm, they are not attractive for crop production, unlike the sympodial branching Lupinus angustifolius of the Old World group”.. *long pause.. visitor backs away…

So then I thought; “Why not!”


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